‘On Swedes and their noggins’
Last week, in ‘Close, but no cigarette’, I wrote about malapropisms. You know, like when someone warns about ‘upsetting the apple tart’ or says they put too much ‘canine pepper’ in the soup. (Thanks for that one, Ruth!) Infamous Chicago Mayor Richard Daley once mentioned ‘Alcoholics Unanimous’ in a speech. And, of course, Donald wants our nuclear weapons to be ‘top of the pack’.
This week, I’m going to write about Swedes and their heads, a subject dear to my heart, since I am in possession of a classic example. But first, speaking of heads, did you ‘get’ the title? ‘What’s that in the road — a head?’
When I was a kid, our mother would regale us with stuff like this all the time. Like, she would say (or sing, actually) ‘She has freckles on her but…she is nice’ (with extra dramatic flourish on that word ‘but’) and we kids would absolutely crack up. There’s nothing like the word ‘but’, with or without that extra ‘t’, to make a little kid weep with laughter. Incidentally, the next verse was ‘and when I’m in her arms, it’s paradise’.
I have no idea what you call this sort of wordplay. (Would it be a ‘pun’? Somehow the word ‘pun’ for this kind of thing seems somewhat inadequate.) Here’s another example, this time dependent on a visual:
Anyway, back to Swedes and their heads. What’s the deal? you may be asking. Well. Typically, at least in my half-Swedish family, this means our heads are on the large side. (My hat size is bigger than The Dude’s, nyah nyah nyah.) Also, our heads tend to have a sort of ‘flat’ part. When we were little, we liked to say that we had ‘split-level heads’, and that this meant we had more room for brains.
This ‘split-level’ part is on the top, toward the back, and is (usually) hidden by hairstyle or hat. I was once at a party and asked a nice (bald) man I had just met if he was Swedish. He said, ‘Yes, I am. How did you know?’ I said, ‘I could tell by your head. You have a Swedish head.’ ‘What do you mean?’ he asked. So I patted my own head, demonstrating the flat place. ‘Didn’t you know that about Swedish heads?’ ‘No’, he said. ‘And now I’ll never not know it,’ he added, looking somewhat horrified.
I don’t mind my Swedish noggin — it’s the only head I’ve ever had, and I’ve grown rather fond of it, large hat size be damned. But The Dude was relieved that The Child did not inherit it. Her head, I’m happy to report, is perfectly smooth and round. And so far, she’s proved there’s lots of room in there for brains, even without the extra ‘split-level’ addition.
Incidentally, even though the head in the featured photo at the top of this story is missing its top, I can tell it’s not Swedish, since the Met, last time I looked anyway, didn’t have an ancient Swedish sculpture gallery.
But back to my family and their adorable noggins. Pretty much everybody has or had a nice, big, emphatic head. Even my Dad, who wasn’t a Swede, had a doozy. Once, I remember, he leaned too far back, and his director’s chair tipped over. My Mom said, ‘He’s okay. He landed on his head.’
But perhaps the one of us with the most memorable head is my Youngest Brother Doug. Even as a baby, his head was magnificent. He was born in April, which meant that by summer he was one hot heavy babe in arms.
It wasn’t his fault, bless his little heart, but he sure was hot. It didn’t help that we didn’t have air conditioning and that the temperature was about a zillion degrees and with subtropic humidity. We were (sort of) used to it. Though I remember that the metal fridge-door handle felt hot to the touch. Almost as hot as Doug’s head.
Doug was not only a hot baby, he was also a hot little kid. Once, when he was three or four, he confessed to a family friend that he ‘had no hair under his arms, just prickly heat’.
But enough about poor hot baby Doug. I’m happy to report that he grew up and stayed hot — but the good kind of ‘hot’.
Yes, yes, I’m going to stop making fun of Doug, and end by sharing a photo of another Henry baby — the latest Henry baby, in fact. This is Madeleine Rose. She and her Henry Head joined us just last week. I haven’t been able to check to see if she inherited the Swedish Head. But since her Dad and her Grampa (Middle Younger Brother Roger) are mostly Swedish-ish, there’s a pretty good chance she did. Fortunately, as you can see, she is blessed with abundant split-level-hiding hair.
Amagansett, New York. February 2017
14 thoughts on “What’s that in the road — a head?”
I had no idea that the Swedes had big head! Learn something new everyday.
Even if Madeline has a split-level head, her cuteness makes up for it a thousand times over! All that hair! Excuse me, my baby fever is showing.
I enjoy all your stories, many of which bring back wonderful, fun memories of high school days “back when.” Another of your mom’s clever sayings that I remember is “I see, said the blind man, as he picked up his hammer and saw!” ….some things you never forget! Love you!
Hi there, HSBF!!! So glad you enjoy my stories, especially since you are featured in some of them (!) Yes, indeed I do remember my Mom saying that Old Saw about the Saw. Glad you reminded me — I think — since now I’ll be thinking about it all day. xoxoxoxo!
Oh this is interesting….I have a flat head and I thought it was a birth defect….”Wee Denny has a weird shaped head but we love her dearly.”….the possibility of having Swedish ancestors is way cooler!
Ah yes! Betcha there was a Viking hiding somewhere in your family tree! xoxo
That just made me giggle 🙂
Yay! So glad you liked it!
I love all Henry heads, too! And our new granddaughter Madeleine’s hairy head sure IS a dandy!!!
Yes it is — and yes SHE is — a dandy, through and through!!! xoxoxo
I think it was “little” Doug who asked the lifeguard how come he had hair under his arms, and all he had was prickly heat! Cute baby, Great Aunt Alice!
Ah, yes! I forgot about the lifeguard! But I didn’t forget YOU (!) Thanks for setting the prickly heat record straight, Ruth xoxoxo
My smile for the morning. I am glad to hear from someone who appreciates and understands heads, Alice. That little baby up there has a magnificent head of hair. I will have to have a DNA test as there is a flat part at the top back of my head. We may be related. Something else to think about.
Ah, I knew there was more than one reason we felt an affinity, Judy! I betcha you’re a little bit Swede (the good bits) xoxoxo