‘And keep your paws off that thermostat.’
The other day I rushed home from an event and found myself stripping off layers as I strode through the door, said event having taken place at a particularly overheated venue. Every stitch I was wearing had to go in the laundry or the (ka-ching) dry cleaning pile. (The Child, on her last visit home: “Mom! Do you know what they charge at that dry cleaner’s on Lex?”)
Honestly. I swear I don’t know what’s happened this winter. Every place I go — restaurants, museums, busses, the subway, the opera even — has the heat cranked up to the absolute max. Could it be that people are cold from all those outdoor activities during Covid? (I must admit I did not take part in these, at least not voluntarily. Oh, there was the occasional outdoor restaurant date with Concerned Covid-Avoiders, but few in my cohort really got into Outdoor Covid Stuff — unless it was something that usually happens outdoors anyway. Like, say, a picnic. In summer.)
While I can’t control the heat in public places, I like to think I can do so at home. But there’s the indisputable fact that I do not have exclusive control of the thermostat.
Nope. Dude Man lives here too. And, as I like to say, our marriage runs hot and cold. As in I’m always hot, and he’s always cold.
(And before you get all kinds of snarky ideas about the state of my hormones, my overheatedness has nothing to do with that.)
It’s just that I’ve always “run hot.” My mom was the same way. In fact, she’s the one who used to say not to touch the thermostat and if you were cold to go put on a sweater. Of course back when I was growing up, keeping the thermostat on the low side was done more to save money than because everybody liked a cool house. This was even more apparent in the summer, when the air conditioning was not only set to a high temperature, but only turned on when company showed up.
So yes. I tell Dude Man to go put on a sweater when he’s cold. Of course this is a guy who likes to sit around in a tee shirt even in the depths of winter. Often clad only in his underpants as well. (See “I’m the sheik of Araby.” for hilarious — and swear-on-a-stack-of-Bibles-true — details.)
You may or may not know this about me, but I am never not knitting a sweater. And, trust me, I’ve knit The Dude dozens: pullovers, argyle vests, grampa sweaters with pockets, even a camel number with leather buttons stamped with little camels. Which he never ever wears.
On the rare occasion when I can get Dude Man to put something on over his tee shirt, it’s invariably something in polar fleece. So, no. I don’t knit him sweaters anymore. (See “Is that for me?” for more.) And while I’m beefing, what is it about Cold People always marrying Hot People? Personally, I have yet to meet a couple who is thermostatically matched.
But, as I’ve pointed out in the past, I am rapidly turning into my mother. (Heaven knows I am looking rather uncannily more and more like her every day.) And Mom has gone from running hot — to She Who is Always Cold.
Perhaps, one day, it will be my turn to be She Who Is Always Cold. Until then, I’m hogging the thermostat.
Amagansett, New York. January 2023
6 thoughts on ““If you’re cold, put on a sweater.””
Your sweaters are so gorgeous! But men … well, you know. I am always cold and usually in a huge wool scarf. When I turned 40, my sister-in-law bought me this battery-powered fan you wear around your neck. I don’t need it yet, but I’m ready for anything around here!
Your sister-in-law gave you a battery-powered fan you wear around your neck? For your 40th birthday (!?!) That sounds a little YOUNG to me. (Of course, everyone seems young to me these days.) Thanks so much for the compliments on my sweaters. I restarted my knitting hobby during Covid and now I just can’t stop. I guess it’s better than drinking. Though heaven knows I do that too!
Funny how the thermostat wars are always heating up. My hubby also goes around in a T-shirt on cold days. They have bigger furnaces, Alice. Love you.
I’m totally with Dude Man. The sweaters in my closet were all bought for me by my wife. And all are coated in dust from years of non-wearing. T-shirts are so much more comfortable than bulky, itchy sweaters. On extremely cold days, I might go so far as to wear a long sleeve t-shirt. I think all the sweaters you knit are always gorgeous works of art, but damn if I would ever wear one.
I love an honest man, even if he only wears tee shirts! Thanks for weighing in, o tiburonh. Good point about the potential itchiness of sweaters. And I really like your point about wearing works of art. I feel better about those stacks of hand knit sweaters on Dude Man’s shelves. Sort of (!)
“They have bigger furnaces.” Love you too, Judy!!!