‘If you’re not going to lose it, then go ahead and use it’
I remember one time back when I was young and single here in New York City. I was just sitting down to dinner, blissfully alone in my apartment up on 93rd Street. (There’s a great story about how I got this apartment, called “Horowitz Plays the Bedroom”, that you might want to read, but not just yet.)
Anyway. My buzzer rang, and, since I had no doorman, I stuck my head out the window to check out who was down there. Seeing that it was a friend, I put my key in a sock and threw it out the window so he could let himself in and come on up. He comes in and I offer him a glass of wine. Whereupon he looks at my table, where there is a placemat, cloth napkin, pretty plate, nice wineglass, the whole nine yards — and asks (panting; it was five steep flights up), “Oh. Sorry. Are you expecting company?”
A table loaded with joy-producing items, including Child and Friend. I make use of all of these, and not just on special occasions
When I explained that, no, dinner was just me, and yes, I did in fact do this sort of thing every night — every night I wasn’t out, that is — he looked baffled. “All this — just for you?!?”
Sure, I said. Who better to do nice things for?
This story came to mind because there’s been a lot of buzz lately about living simpler lives and giving things away. I don’t know if Marie Kondo actually started it all — there have no doubt been what the Times calls “gurus of tidiness” since the days ladies cluttered their caves with way too many pretty rocks — but apparently this trend shows no signs of abating.
Now actually, I do enjoy a good possessions purge myself. In fact, you can find some pretty good tips about what clothing to keep — or not — in “Just Because It Fits, Doesn’t Mean You Should Wear It”.
Double Kondo. The Child divests herself of a kilt that I had passed on to her. Her reason? No joy. My reason? No knee coverage
So no, this is not an anti-Kondo diatribe. What I’d like to do today is urge you to use — and enjoy — what you don’t purge. If you get rid of something because it doesn’t “spark joy”, then, conversely, the stuff you keep should. And that crystal wine glass or cashmere sweater or engraved stationery can’t do much joy-sparking if you don’t use it.
Case in point: after The Dude’s Mom died, we found a stash of pristine stationery — boxes of it that she had never even opened, much less used. And not even her daughters could get joy out of it — it was monogrammed.
On the other hand, I have a good friend who wears her much-loved and recently-departed mother’s pearls every single day. They are valuable pearls, real heirlooms that another kind of woman would store in a vault. But no, she wears them. And no, she is not a fancy New York City socialite. She is a landscaper and garden designer out on Long Island. And she wears those pearls with her teeshirts, work pants and boots, goldarnit.
Now my Mom is not the pearl-wearing or pearl-leaving kind, unless you count pearls of wisdom. Which brings me to “What are you saving it for, the Maypole Dance?” , a saying she’d deploy when she’d notice someone (like her own mother) saving something for good. When was this time that was “good” enough supposed to arrive, she’d ask? Next week? A year from now? I remember in particular a mink hat my Gramma was “saving”. It was too “nice” even for church, but my mother finally convinced her to wear it to brunch at my Uncle Ronald’s. (Incidentally, I myself practice what Mom preaches. The photo at the top of this post shows me wearing my “good” Ogilvy ten-years-of-service Concord watch — and not much else.)
That’s my wise Maypole-Dance-saying Mom with my Gramma. Who is not wearing her mink hat. But, in fairness, it was a hot day
So, in closing, let me urge you, a la the “gurus of tidiness”, to go ahead and lose the things that don’t “spark joy”. But if you’re not going to lose it, then by all means use it. Eat your Chinese takeout on your best china. Wear the Burberry cashmere sweater while streaming Netflix on your couch.
Oh, and do break out that monogrammed stationery — even if you just use it to jot down your list of things you want to get rid of.
New York City. April 2019
I LOVE this post! I am pulling out my good china tonight. Thanks for the smiles and the wisdom.
Thank you so much for your kind words, Heidi. I just love it when people enjoy my posts! And when they comment too? Well. I’m as happy as I am eating with my finest china and special silver!
I’m in agreement as well…use the good dishes!! Serve up from the Silverware! Why hide these things on a shelf, when you can use them to spice up your daily life.
I have some pretty things that are meant to be for decor, but I use the rest of my items – the china and silverware – and we rarely have company. There are no “guest” towels in our house…just towels. Etc.
Life is too short to waste…I hope others will recognize this and start treating themselves as well as they would treat a guest. You deserve nice things so use them!!
What a nice way to put it: “I hope others will…start treating themselves as well as they would treat a guest.” You nailed it, LadyPamelaRose! Thank you for reading, and for your words of wisdom.
I totally agree with you. I use whatever I have as often as I can. Why did I buy or been gifted with it?
Great minds! So glad to find a non-Kondo Kinswoman xoxo
I’m terrible and getting rid of things, even those that don’t spark joy. When I do part with things I often regret it later. I then do have things I never wear as scared of losing them.. items of sentimental value. I would be useless at Marie Kondo.. good post!
I’m sentimental about things too. I have an old torn red coat that I just can’t part with. Too many memories xo
Right on! I’m making the Purple Heart folks really happy about now, they will pick up boxes & boxes of my Kondo’d stuff right from my driveway. And, I’m finding stuff I’ve been saving for ‘good’, and using and enjoying all of it!
Good for you! You — and the Purple Hearters — are winners on many levels. Enjoy your stuff!
Yes and yes and yes. I inherited a fur coat from my grandmother and it rotted in the closet. This is one of the reasons I don’t like really expensive things because it doesn’t make sense to just lock it away for a “special” occasion. I love the idea of just using it. Thanks for the fun romp, as always.
Oh, that poor fur coat (on many levels!) I hear you about not craving expensive things. But if you do happen to find yourself in possession of some, I say use ‘em! BTW, if you need me, I’ll be out romping — maybe in a “gifted” fur (if I’m lucky) xoxo
This reminds me… I’ve got to stop keeping things for when I “live in assisted living” or “the home”.? Well, I did get rid of the original polyester outfits, hot pants, mini skirts, plaid pleated skirts and high heels? But will I ever be cold enough to wear these old wool sweaters? A maypole dance could be chilly?
A Maypole Dance could indeed be chilly. Though probably not in Carlyle! You can definitely still get away with mini skirts and hot pants. But yes, maybe lose polyester. Too sweaty! xoxo